Dr. Amelia Hardwick
M.A., PSY.D.

It’s just another Thursday

I awoke this morning to a group text saying happy single awareness day. Then came a small barrage of client texts; and I had been so relieved that I wasn’t working today. There is nothing like a holiday to ruin a patient’s state of mind. I felt sad, but not for me. So many people tell themselves a sad story that brings them down if they don’t have a partner on VD, or X-mas or any holiday for that matter. I always tell my patients, “What story are you telling yourself about today? Because without your story it’s just another Thursday.”

I awoke quite pleased to have gotten to sleep so late, lounge in bed with my kittens and roll out slowly for ocean front breakfast then an hour and a half massage. I can assure you if I was married and had kids, this would not have been my day. I have many lovely Thursdays like this. I am grateful. I am grateful that I have done so much deep inner work that I am embarrassingly happy, at peace and truly content most of the time. When your inner world is whole, there is no lack or loneliness. The trick is to get to where your relationship status doesn’t affect your inner world. Even if you are happily partnered, that can change and if your happiness depends on anything outside yourself you are in trouble, maybe not today; but most likely someday.

People often ask if I am lonely or how can I spend so much time alone? I tell them that when I was in my 20′s and early 30′s before I got married, I was “good” at being alone, but there was a longing. I was also so busy with such a full life how could I long for anything?  I did, deeply and often painfully.

Make a note to yourself here: A constant full schedule of distraction won’t fill those holes any better than a warm body will.

After a divorce that nearly killed me literally LOL, I am not kidding about that, the annihilation of my life (multiple times) and incomprehensible pain gave me the greatest gift: WHOLENESS. I had no choice, but to heal every last wound and separation. I haven’t had a Valentine since 2003; a decade and I love it. I love that if this is my life until the end I am happy. I will be happy if that changes and then changes back. I feel love and connection to so many, to everyone and everything, sometimes I just cry because I feel so much love. No one but me can give me that and no one can take that away either thank God. If I could give everyone that feeling I would. I also would probably be out of business. Do yourself a favor, ask yourself what your story is if you feel down today and change it. If you can’t, heal so you can.
Happy Thursday, February 14th.

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